Confrontation, the ugly part of ministry
In the very new future I will have a meeting with someone I use to be very close with. This will not be a good meeting where we talk about old times and laugh at old stories but, rather it will be a very confrontational meeting. I literally hate that it is going to happen. Those who know me probably think I enjoy those types of things but the fact is they are very hard and very ugly.
I am not afraid of a fight, matter of fact I accept that there will be times you have to stand up for what you believe in. I will always fight for my family, my friends, and the church God called me to start.
I put everything on the line when we started RSC. I put our credit, our future, our savings, my name, etc. on the line because I knew this is what God called me to do. Compared to what Christ did for us, it was not a hard choice. Therefore, I will fight for it.
As a pastor, I believe if we aren’t willing to fight for our church, then we are at the wrong place.
I will enter this meeting with a lot of emotion and some anger. My natural instinct is to tear this person to shreds, however that is not the purpose of the meeting. The purpose is to help this person see the errors of their way and that they have some problems that need to be corrected. I know that is the purpose going in, but my flesh will fight me on that being the purpose.
So today I thought about some things I need to do before I go into the meeting.
1.) Be Prayed Up – No need to expound on that. It is common sense
2.) Keep emotion out of it – I feel I have several reasons to going in there emotionally charged but that will do no good and will only work against me.
3.) Stick to the facts – I have analyzed this situation over and over and I have several theories as to this individual’s problems but when confronting, I feel I will be better served sticking to the facts.
4.) Realize I will be attacked – I need to remember going in that he is going to attack me to save face. The worse he makes me look, the better he makes himself look.
5.) Analyze their attacks – No matter how hard the criticism and no matter the source, always analyze it to see if there was any truth in it. If there is, improve in those areas.
6.) Remember the purpose of the meeting – This will be hard. The purpose is to help this person see the error of their ways and hopefully restore them back so they can be an asset to the cause of Christ. Matthew 18 is to restore not destroy.
7.) Take the high road – It will be easy to sink to his level and take the low road but I must remember I am a pastor and handle myself in that way
8.) Let it end there – This problem has gone on too long and has taken too much time away from what God called me to do. No matter the outcome, this needs to be the end of it.
Every church planter is going to have to deal confrontation and deal with it quickly in their ministry. Church plants draw people who are looking to create a church that fits what they think church ought to be. Bad staff people will cause problems that will not end quickly. Key leaders will buck the vision and take others with them. You will have to confront these people to keep the church on track. Maybe when you have to do that, these things will help you. Maybe not.